Friday, September 24, 2010


I constantly hear women complain about men being assholes, CHEATERS, irresponsible, and disrespectful. Well if that is true...why are you sleeping with them? There are many problems in the dating world. Some problems are larger than others.

The main problem is that many women do not know how to pick men because it's a new "science". For thousands of years and still in many cultures fathers and the family picked the male companion for their daughters. As women won their rights they took on responsibilities they were supposed to be groomed and equipped to handle. As a society we failed. Father's are absent to teach their daughters what a "real" man is supposed to look like. Mother's are too jaded to tell their daughters the truth about why the father is not there, so she doesn't equip her daughter to find a good man. And worst of all, the Females at early ages refused to listen to the good people in their lives who tried to instruct them insisting on being stubborn and hard headed and relying on the mantras created by other hard headed and stubborn people like " you live and you learn, you don't know until you try, you have to kiss a few frogs before you get your prince, etc). These sayings can be applied to any foolhardy endeavor whether it be burning your hand on a stove, having unprotected sex with an HIV infected person, or jumping from a plane without a parachute.

Reality is that the good man was rarely the most attractive and obviously he couldn't be the richest(there can only be a few)...he was the normal hardworking man who respected women and cared about society and was self sufficient. Today women chase the dream and not reality. They refuse to listen to older women who tell them to find a good man in their 20's. Instead they chase or allow themselves to be caught by athletes, entertainers, hustlers, and other men with money who use them up. So what if she learns in her 30's what she should have learned in her 20's, does that reverse her biological clock or the fact that medical science may have to intervene for them to have children? Does it change the fact that birth defects are more likely to present themselves the older a woman is when she becomes pregnant. At what point are men supposed to ignore those things just because women choose to be hard headed in their 20's and when their back is against the wall they start lowering ridiculous standards in order to find true happiness and not just material happiness. Most women will realize that any man of good quality is confident and confident men do not want to be a beautiful woman's second or third choice in her advanced age when she was his first choice in her 20's. He will move on and date a younger woman who may have listened to her elder and therefore may be wiser and recognize a good man when she sees him. 

These are blunt and painful truths that many women don't want to hear but nevertheless they must hear. Older women and men were supposed to have told women this. What normally happens is women will become defensive and say something mean or cite examples of women having children in their 40's etc. Yet they will not tell you the medical issues that came with these pregnancies, because they are only told of the success and NOT the pain and failures. The women will blame the's not just the men, it's the women. In life we run around scared of the word "settle". We all "settle". Whether it's your job, the home you buy, the person you marry, the car you drive. Settling means you are making a decision and going with it. Too many people would rather remain indecisive or they refuse to decide based on the right criteria, and they end up sticking with their poor decision. We all believe we deserve more. Most of us deserve what we are getting. Opportunity is when CHANCE and PREPARATION meet. How many women are prepared for the opportunity of meeting a good man?

Women now have they same responsibility that men have historically had. They must be responsible when choosing a mate. No longer will society accept the cop out that" he deceived me", "lied to me", or "he used me". If there was a reason to believe that he would do those things before you dealt with him and you decided to deal with him anyway, you are at fault. A snake is a snake. It's your choice whether or not you choose to domesticate a snake. Men have long been told you can't turn a whore into a housewife. Well Ladies, you can't turn a bad man into a father or a husband. However, you can turn one into your baby daddy and in turn allow him to turn you into a negative statistic.


  1. Just want to reiterate - re-aligning your expectations to fit reality does not mean you are settling. It means you are growing up.

  2. I can understand and agree to some extent with your post. However, why does it mostly seem like the responsibility for what is lead to the decline in relationship (especially in the black community) rest on women. You stated that women weren't checking for good men in their 20's. I would disagree. Maybe she was checking for the good she saw in the immature man she was with. Maybe she thought she would be 'good' enough for him to want to change. I don't see where men are being dissed for not dating the plain jane and saying they missed out on their good thing. It is a double standard to me, that has given me options and privileges not afforded to women. He can cut up in his 20's and still be ripe in his 30's, 40's, ect. and a women gets labeled as who wants something used up...hmm. Personally, I didn't date much at all and I still have not been pursued by the 'right' man for me. The statement about women not listening to their elders...what were they telling the young men. I know the ratio of 'good' men to 'good' women before they were misused or treated carelessly didn't equal out. In light of this, you would still have women who didn't have eligible men. I'm really trying to convey the thought that there is joint responsibility and biblical on that should be led by men. If men set the standard, instead of it being said...he will only do what you allow him to do, then would there be all of this downfall?

  3. I agree with kronda. I'm that "Plain Jane". I've met men that I thought were "good men" and then got dogged. I'm not saying I'm perfect. There have been relationships that I messed up. In my 20s men were really looking at me. I'm not ugly at all but because I didn't stand out because of my outward appearance, I got over-looked. They weren’t looking at my heart, intelligence, quiet spirit, and my ability to leave something to the imagination. They were looking at the other women with the big booties and boobs in the tight mini-skirts and low-cut tops.