I constantly hear women complain about men being assholes, CHEATERS, irresponsible, and disrespectful. Well if that is true...why are you sleeping with them? There are many problems in the dating world. Some problems are larger than others.
The main problem is that many women do not know how to pick men because it's a new "science". For thousands of years and still in many cultures fathers and the family picked the male companion for their daughters. As women won their rights they took on responsibilities they were supposed to be groomed and equipped to handle. As a society we failed. Father's are absent to teach their daughters what a "real" man is supposed to look like. Mother's are too jaded to tell their daughters the truth about why the father is not there, so she doesn't equip her daughter to find a good man. And worst of all, the Females at early ages refused to listen to the good people in their lives who tried to instruct them insisting on being stubborn and hard headed and relying on the mantras created by other hard headed and stubborn people like " you live and you learn, you don't know until you try, you have to kiss a few frogs before you get your prince, etc). These sayings can be applied to any foolhardy endeavor whether it be burning your hand on a stove, having unprotected sex with an HIV infected person, or jumping from a plane without a parachute.
Reality is that the good man was rarely the most attractive and obviously he couldn't be the richest(there can only be a few)...he was the normal hardworking man who respected women and cared about society and was self sufficient. Today women chase the dream and not reality. They refuse to listen to older women who tell them to find a good man in their 20's. Instead they chase or allow themselves to be caught by athletes, entertainers, hustlers, and other men with money who use them up. So what if she learns in her 30's what she should have learned in her 20's, does that reverse her biological clock or the fact that medical science may have to intervene for them to have children? Does it change the fact that birth defects are more likely to present themselves the older a woman is when she becomes pregnant. At what point are men supposed to ignore those things just because women choose to be hard headed in their 20's and when their back is against the wall they start lowering ridiculous standards in order to find true happiness and not just material happiness. Most women will realize that any man of good quality is confident and confident men do not want to be a beautiful woman's second or third choice in her advanced age when she was his first choice in her 20's. He will move on and date a younger woman who may have listened to her elder and therefore may be wiser and recognize a good man when she sees him.
These are blunt and painful truths that many women don't want to hear but nevertheless they must hear. Older women and men were supposed to have told women this. What normally happens is women will become defensive and say something mean or cite examples of women having children in their 40's etc. Yet they will not tell you the medical issues that came with these pregnancies, because they are only told of the success and NOT the pain and failures. The women will blame the men...it's not just the men, it's the women. In life we run around scared of the word "settle". We all "settle". Whether it's your job, the home you buy, the person you marry, the car you drive. Settling means you are making a decision and going with it. Too many people would rather remain indecisive or they refuse to decide based on the right criteria, and they end up sticking with their poor decision. We all believe we deserve more. Most of us deserve what we are getting. Opportunity is when CHANCE and PREPARATION meet. How many women are prepared for the opportunity of meeting a good man?
Women now have they same responsibility that men have historically had. They must be responsible when choosing a mate. No longer will society accept the cop out that" he deceived me", "lied to me", or "he used me". If there was a reason to believe that he would do those things before you dealt with him and you decided to deal with him anyway, you are at fault. A snake is a snake. It's your choice whether or not you choose to domesticate a snake. Men have long been told you can't turn a whore into a housewife. Well Ladies, you can't turn a bad man into a father or a husband. However, you can turn one into your baby daddy and in turn allow him to turn you into a negative statistic.
Friday, September 24, 2010
It always strikes me as odd that some women are using biblical terms when looking for men, but not biblical behavior. Maybe they don't realize that God never intended a woman to be searching for a man nor did he intend for her to dictate to a man what he must do to be with her. Many women assume men are listening to her words, but in truth we are observing her actions. We recognize deceit and gamesmanship, even in it's smallest forms. If she treats us like an option and not a priority, we recognize it. If she says she is not materialistic, but she continuously shows off her expensive items, we recognize that. If she says she wants to be treated like a queen but she is constantly being dogged out by men of bad character, we recognize it. Her actions will speak louder than her words and most of the time they have spoken for her long before thinks they have, whether she knows it or not. A real man will recognize a real woman. We have a blueprint. We know what her actions should look like. Her stated desires and her actions must be CONSISTENT with one another. You can't be looking for a king but playing house with the pawns.
Whether it was Proverbs 31:3-31, Ephesians 5:22-29, or 1 Corinthians 13:4-10.....there is a Blueprint laid out for how a woman should act, how a man should love a woman, how a woman should love and respect a man, and how love should look between a man and a woman. We have a blueprint for the rough days. 1 Corinthians tells us how to love and what should not infect or poison our love. Everything else outside of the WORD is media influenced hype that has lead to the increased divorce rates, illegitimate children, women with broken hearts, jaded men and women, and weak men who don't know how to love a woman. How could any man say "we don't need to be married, it's just a piece of paper" if he actually cares about himself. As a man, I am loving you as I love myself and as man loves the church....so there is no need to run from marriage. Real men run towards marriage, not away from it. Marital Unions are threefold. 1). It is a Union between Man and Woman in the Eyes of God that has biblical rules. 2). It is a legally recognized contract that gives each partner rights and legitimizes children. 3). It is a declaration of your commitment to your spouse that is being shared and witnessed by your community. Marriage is a beautiful and sacred union. Why are people playing married, when you can follow the blueprint to get married. If he won't marry you, there is a man who will. The excuse of poor selection only exists for women who have been influenced to select men based on a media marketed criteria. You can't always get everything that you want. You must prioritize. Is the union more important than the Fairytale wedding? Is the character of the knight more important than the shiny armor that he wears? How thirsty will you become before you choose to drink the Aquafina that is provided instead of the Evian you are waiting for? Your choices speak volumes about you and what actually drives you.
We have the rules and the blueprint. At some point we need to stop remixing the bible. If a woman wants a godly man, she needs to act accordingly so that he may find her. Matthew 7:6 warns women about dealing with the wrong men.....and yet these issues are still around. Many women make up every excuse for their poor judgment and their lack of patience. Why can't women simply read Matthew 7:6 which says "Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces."---This is Matthew 7:6 and this is knowledge that we overlook. This oversight is why women are looking for a man instead of making themselves available and attractive to a man looking for his rib. No man wants a woman who has made a habit of giving dogs what is sacred, because after those dogs have torn her to pieces she is no longer the virtuous woman that the wise mother instructed her son to find in Proverbs 31. Some men will try to put her back together, but the wise men will read Proverbs 7:7-27 and will stay away from her. The media can tell a woman what she should want to look like. The media can even empower a women to be hypersexual in order to feel empowered and strong. Ladies there is a simple truth. The bible has already told women what a god fearing man seeking to be equally yoked will desire. A woman can go watch and follow the examples of Sex in the City all she likes, but if she really wants to find a good man, she may want to follow and apply the Text in the City.