CAN A REAL MAN BE A GOOD MAN AND STILL WIN HIS DREAM GIRL?
THIS BLOG WAS WRITTEN TO ASK A REAL QUESTION FROM A MALE'S POINT OF VIEW
CAN A REAL MAN BE A GOOD MAN AND STILL WIN HIS DREAM GIRL, OR MUST HE PLAY THE STEREOTYPICAL PLAYER ROLE AND THEN CHANGE ONCE HE HAS WON HER?
I spoke with a group of single, hardworking, and educated men who date frequently. We spoke about the issues that plague real men who are trying to be the good men our families raised us to be. Generally our consensus was that the women of today do not respect REAL men. They only deem a man as being good, if he is doing what they want him to do. During the conversation, many things came up that unanimously upset the group. These were some of the things that upset the group the most.
1. The RIDICULOUS rule about a man waiting to call a few days so he doesn't seem desperate or needy. Here are a few reasons why that is a horrible rule.
A. A real man seizes the day and if you are the most important thing on his mind, that is a good thing. If you start your relationship off with him having to schedule time for you on his blackberry so that he doesn't seem too eager, don't be surprised when down the road you are dealing with the same issue. Scheduling to speak to a woman later is something PLAYERS do, not REAL men. A real man may even call or text you the night he met you to make sure you made it home safely, that's what our mother's taught us to do
B. If I have to wait that long to speak to you, who is to say I will not meet someone else. Finding the right person is not fate or luck, it's preparation and desire. If you don't believe me, go to an area where the women outnumber the men and see how many women don't have men. Are they all unlucky or do they need to relocate. The saying a needle in the haystack will describe your chances of finding a good man, if you keep waiting. Male and Female numbers are just that...NUMBERS. Skew them to your favor. When you find a good dude, why screw it up with the waiting game? If you play the waiting game it sends a signal that obviously his time is not valuable to you or he is not valuable to you. When you want something and it's there why not get it. No one tears up a lottery ticket and says "it was fun winning, but if it's meant to be I will win it again" NO....THEY CASH IT IN AND ENJOY LIFE.
C.The last one is simple...What makes you think you're stalkable by every man you meet? ARE YOU HALLE, ANGELINA, BEYONCE, NO WAIT YOU'RE DENISE RICHARDS, CARMEN ELECTRA, SELMA HAYEK, EVA MENDES....NO...HMMMM....So you're none of these women huh....wellllll then just because you're beautiful doesn't mean every man will stalk you...because guess what... beautiful women are not hard to find, but a man who doesn't want to "just have sex with you" is very hard to find. When you are a conquest men will spoil you, wine and dine you, and promise you the world, because they know that is the opposite of what you need, but it's exactly what you want. Men do a lot of things to just get between a woman's legs...that doesn't mean he wants to wife you, he may just want to tonight you. So why put stumbling blocks in front of yourself. Men decide within the first few days of knowing a woman whether or not she is wife material. If you start playing the game in the beginning of dating...ANY GAME....you may end up a notch on his bedpost and bitter. How you get him is how you keep him. If you start off on a solid foundation your relationship house will last when relationship storms come, but if you start off as a conquest he has to chase....ONCE HE CATCHES YOU HE MAY BE OFF TO THE NEXT CONQUEST. A lot of women (and I do mean a lot) think they can change that in a man...GOOD LUCK...many have failed.
2. When a woman swears she is not about money, but she gets star struck around movie stars, athletes, and rappers. A moment of silence please....Um you my dear will set off golddiger radar for most men, which will almost certainly place you in Conquest territory, not Wifeyville. Here's why:
A. You don't know that man from can of paint, but you are willing to sit with him, talk to him, sleep with him and do whatever he asks. Men see these women in the club and we remember it. We say amongst one another "she don't know anything about this dude and he is just in town for one night...wow I thought she was better than that". The athlete,star, or rapper can leave town, and most likely your respect left with him. Men talk...we talk more than women. If we see or hear of you playing yourself, we remember it well. No man wants to walk around feeling like his girl can be bought off by a shopping spree at Bergdorf's. As men get older we accumulate money, our circles have money....and the quickest way to attack a man is through his woman...NO MAN WANTS A WEAK MATERIALISTIC WOMAN.
B. A woman who chases one of these men belittles the man she will actually date longterm by saying that there is someone higher than him. No man wants to be Mr. Reliable, he wants to be your fantasy. If you expose that he is not your fantasy, I guarantee you this... if you were his fantasy, you will not be his fantasy any longer.
3. THE LARGEST PET PEEVE OF ALL THE MEN (IT'S LAST DUE TO THE PAINFUL MEMORIES A LOT OF MEN HAD ON THE SUBJECT)----WE HATE THE FAIRWEATHER FEMALE.....This is the female who only rides when the money is flowing but while you were in school she dated others and got at you around graduation or after you started making money. Look we get it...stability is nice. But here is why that approach is wrong:
A. Would you want a man to bail out on you if you got fat or you couldn't pay for your half of every meal?
B. Would you be mad if he expected you to cook and clean and play the stereotypical role that most females avoid like the plague?
C.How can you claim equal rights and not accept equal responsibility? IF YOU SAY YOU DO....I GOT TWO WORDS FOR YOU---ENGAGEMENT RING----WHY DOESN'T A MAN GET ONE? Society has traditionally placed a man in a PROVIDER'S role, but all the privileges that came with that role have been stripped away. So if you don't need to be there as a man's support system while he is making his way to the top...WHY SHOULD HE WANT YOU ONCE HE GETS THERE? NO MAN WANTS TO GIVE UP HALF HIS WORTH BECAUSE OF THE FAIRWEATHER FEMALE.....So if you show that you are fairweather....you might end up a bedpost notch...and for the record WE DECIDE THAT VERY QUICKLY DURING THE DATING PROCESS.....a man recognizes game....he decides if he wants to play or not....the best at it become PLAYERS...and the eventually the real men refuse to play and they refuse to take anyone serious who decides she is going to play.
WHY AM I SAYING THIS YOU MIGHT ASK....well summer starts soon...and men will begin to get distracted by all of the things that women are showing at the club, in the streets, on the beaches, etc. Many men will leave their women during this time. Women will then realize that there are bad men all around and unless you are gonna change your tactics, you're bound to have things blow up in your face. Good men DO exist. Do you know what a good man looks like???