Monday, April 26, 2010

From A Man to Women...Stand Up and Date Wisely

The common denominator in your relationship problems is not just the MEN, it's YOU!!!
What type of decisions are you making? Here are some real questions I want you to ask yourself when you are thinking about your relationships and the men you might date.

1. Are you still influenced by media stereotypes and unrealistic expectations?
Why: Unless you uniquely define your expectations of a partner, your relationship parameters, your roles in a relationship, and what you need to be happy you will forever be influenced by others and will never be satisfied with a partner or their attempts to make you happy.

2. What do you want out of this situation?
Why: If you don't know what you want, how will you know what to accept or ask for?

3. What do you want in a man?
Why: If you judge a man based on media expectations you will most certainly fail. The reason why relationships in the past worked is not because women were oppressed, women weren't as educated, independent, or strong. It was because women knew what to expect of men, they expected it, and played their role to counterbalance his. There was harmony in households, because both people weren't trying to have a battle of wills. They knew how to compromise on the major issues, not argue over the minor issues, and men let women win, because a woman knew how to make a man feel like a man so there was give and take. Just remember, if you decide not to play a stereotypical gender role for a man….why should he play one for you? Should he then not buy a engagement ring (exclusive to men), pick up the check at major meals(societal pressure is on the man), practice chivalry(was meant to balance a woman's societal place based on her gender), or protect you from harm (if all things are equal shouldn't you both run when in danger…lol). Just like removing prayer and God from the schools, if you take a key part of an institution away, make sure you are immediately able to replace it with something that yields the same results as the item replaced, or expect dysfunction.

4. What are your priorities in life?
Why: Do you want a family? Do you want to see your grandchildren? Is quality of life less important than the amount of materials possessions you acquire in life? Remember, just because you can have a child at 35 and 40 doesn't make it ideal. So what, you have a 30 year career…does it replace the love of a child? Does it replace the heartache felt by not having one? Just because some women can have children at 35 and older, doesn't mean every woman can. Fertility treatments are expensive. Remember, we are organisms. The next time you wonder if its nature or nurture, just ask yourself a simple question. What is necessary for the human race to continue to exist? If you're answer goes against that, then it's most likely a genetic defect or a learned behavior. Women are meant to reproduce at younger ages, not older ages. There is a large correlation between birth defects and the age of the mother. You can always shop, travel, or party…you are not promised to always be able to reproduce and have a healthy child.

5. Have you dealt with the baggage of your past relationships and failures?
Why: If you are still making the new person live up to higher standards based on something they did not do, please expect for them to see this and judge you accordingly. Some common examples of this are:
a. Setting a probationary period for sex
b. Refusing to go out unless it's to a nice restaurant or something exciting and different
c. Refusing to open your heart and trust your partner
d. Sabotaging the relationship by being needy or checking up on your partner
e. Trying to force your partner into making you the first priority(remember you either are or you aren't…it's their decision, don't force it)

With all this being said, think of your current situation. You are at this place in your life either due to purposeful decision or by default. Either way, you are responsible. Remember you had other choices in men. There were good, hardworking, educated, single men, with no children, and goals for the future. Remember, men like Barack Obama weren't the flavor of the month. He was not a sports star, he is not muscular, and he wasn't the coolest guy around by his own admissions. Yet, look at where he is now. There are many good men out there and you may be purposefully ignoring them because the media and society has refused to educate a lot of women on what a good man looks like...So now you ask...what does a good man look like....see the Blog "10 MEN EDUCATED WOMEN SHOULD NOT DATE"

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